It’s Okay not to be Okay


A hard stretch, a terrible day, a major setback. It looks like one thing follows another at times. Then another, and another, and another.Sometimes an unforeseen issue or impediment will present itself, leaving you stressed, worried, and confused of what to do. And there are days when you simply don’t have anything. There is no drive or creativity. You’ve been tormented by self-doubt lately.

You believe you must be strong at all times.

You believe that you are not permitted to cry or admit that you are not okay.

It is acceptable to be unhappy.

This is something I’ve been grappling with for quite some time. I’m not sure whether these unusual and unexpected mood swings are part of the grieving process; I’m not sure if things will ever return to normal. What I do know is that admitting to myself that I’m not doing so well has been difficult.


Why do we feel the need to always be strong? Why do we feel bad about taking a break? Guilt had entirely engulfed me. How can I sit here crying and blaming myself when I have so many things to be grateful for? I don’t see anyone else creating excuses for themselves because they have so much work to accomplish.

Accept that everything is fine. It is acceptable to be unhappy. Avoid feeling “terrible” because you believe you are the only one who feels lonely, lost, or unmotivatedβ€”you are not. Don’t worry about what other people are doing, and remember that we all know what it’s like to “not be okay,” even if most of us don’t talk about it. All of those feelings are normal; we all feel them at times. Is it a pleasant area to spend time? No way. It does not, however, last permanently.

But if I’ve learnt anything in the last six months, it’s that the more you reject feeling “terrible,” the worse you’ll feel. Yes, you should keep trying to get better, but don’t push yourself; instead, give yourself time to heal and learn to be patient with yourself. Consider a poor day to be a passing cloud: you can’t see the sun, but you know it’s there. You know it will ultimately come out.’

Things that life taught me

I’ve learnt not to compare yourself to what others can do, but to what you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not so much what happens to people as it is what they do about it. I’ve learnt that you may do something in a second that will cause you pain for the rest of your life. I’ve discovered that no matter how thinly you slice it, it always has two sides. I’ve discovered that it takes a long time for me to become the person I want to be.

I’ve discovered that reacting is much easier than thinking. I’ve learned that leaving loved ones with loving words is always a good idea because it could be the final time you see them. I’ve learnt that you can keep going even when you don’t think you can. I’ve learnt that no matter how we feel, we are responsible for what we do. I’ve learnt that you can either manage your attitude or it will dominate you. I’ve discovered that sometimes all I need is to be held. I’ve learnt that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and something else must take its place.

Heroes, I’ve learnt, are those who do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the repercussions. I’ve discovered that learning to forgive takes time and effort. I’ve learnt that there are people who adore you but don’t know how to express it. I’ve discovered that money is a terrible method to keep score. ‘Best Friends’ is sometimes a big deception, I’ve learned. I’ve discovered that the individuals you expect to kick you when you’re down often the ones that assist you get back up. I’ve learned that while I have the right to be furious at times, I do not have the right to be cruel.

True friendship and true love, I’ve learnt, continue to blossom even when separated by great distances. I’ve learnt that just because someone doesn’t love you in the way you want doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have. I’ve discovered that no matter how much I care, some people do not reciprocate. I’ve discovered that maturity has less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated and more to do with the types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them. I’ve learnt not to tell a child that her dreams are unrealistic or ridiculous. There are few things more degrading, and it would be a tragedy if she believed it.

I’ve learnt that your family will not always be available to you. It may sound strange, but strangers may take care of you, love you, and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t formed by birth. I’ve learned that no matter how terrific a friend is, they will occasionally harm you, and you must forgive them. I’ve realized that being forgiven by others isn’t always enough; sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learnt that no matter how badly your heart is crushed, the world will not come to a halt for your sorrow. I’ve learnt that our upbringing and circumstances may have shaped who we are, but we are ultimately accountable for who we become.

When my friends quarrel, I’ve discovered that I’m sometimes forced to take sides even when I don’t want to. I’ve discovered that just because two individuals disagree doesn’t imply they don’t love each other. And just because they aren’t arguing doesn’t mean they aren’t. I’ve learnt that sometimes it’s necessary to prioritize the individual over their behavior. I’ve learnt that trust takes years to develop and seconds to break. I’ve learnt that if we realize that friends change, we don’t have to completely change them.

If you don’t want to forget something, store it in your underwear drawer. I’ve learned not to be so anxious to discover a secret because it could change your life forever. I’ve discovered that the garments I like best have the most holes in them. I’ve learnt that it’s not so much what you have in your life as it is who you have in your life. I’ve learnt that two people can look at the same object and see completely different things. I’ve learned that you can’t force others to love you; all you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.

I’ve discovered that there are numerous ways to fall and stay in love. I’ve learnt that individuals who are honest with themselves, regardless of the repercussions, advance in life. I’ve discovered that the mind can power many things; the key is self-control. I’ve learnt that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their rock, you will feel lonely and lost when you most need them. I’ve learnt that people you don’t even know can change your life in a couple of hours. When a buddy reaches out to you, even if you think you have nothing else to give, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve discovered that both writing and talking can help to heal emotional wounds. I’ve discovered that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you far too soon. Although the word “love” can have many distinct meanings, I’ve discovered that it loses value when overused. It’s difficult to know where to draw the line between being kind and not hurting people’s feelings and sticking up for what you believe.